Reciprocity in the Interview Room:
Give Something Before You Ask for Something

by Stan B. Walters – The Lie Guy®
ORCID 0009-0002-1063-0519

Cooperation Often Begins Before the First Important Question

Interviewers naturally enter an interview thinking about what they need to get—an account, details, explanations, clarification, or perhaps an admission. Robert Cialdini’s work on influence suggests beginning somewhere else: What can I give first? Reciprocity is built around a remarkably powerful social tendency. When someone gives us something or does something for us, we often experience a sense of indebtedness—a desire to return the favor. Marketers have understood this for years. A charity sends free return-address labels before asking for a donation. A seller offers free shipping or announces, “We’ll even throw in…” something extra. The gift precedes the request. In the interview room, however, what we give requires much greater care. We should not give investigative information, reveal evidence, or offer explanations that could contaminate the account or minimize behavior. Instead, reciprocity can be applied through three practices: give something to the person rather than the statement, create an environment of respect and genuine listening, and give without demanding repayment.

Give Something to the Person—Not the Statement

Reciprocity does not require the interviewer to disclose anything about the investigation. In fact, offering case information can introduce facts the subject did not previously know, contaminate later responses, or unintentionally provide minimizing explanations the subject can adopt. The safer—and often more powerful—exchange occurs at the human level. Courtesy, patience, respect, and attention all have value. So do simple physical considerations: water or coffee, food when appropriate, a bathroom break, a more comfortable chair, or an extra shirt or blanket when someone is cold. These may seem insignificant to the interviewer, but to the person receiving them they communicate something important: I recognize you as a person, and I am paying attention to your needs. Reciprocity can begin there without putting a single investigative fact at risk.

The Scharff Philosophy: Change the Environment

World War II interrogator Hanns Scharff provides an excellent historical example of the broader philosophy. Scharff became known for an approach dramatically different from the threatening and confrontational interrogation many prisoners expected. Courtesy, comfortable treatment, conversation, patience, and attentive listening helped change the social environment in which information was sought. The lesson is not that today’s interviewer should simply reproduce Scharff’s intelligence-gathering techniques. It is that the environment created by the interviewer can influence a subject’s willingness to engage. That principle remains remarkably consistent with modern research examining why subjects decide to talk: among the factors identified across studies, being treated with respect and having an interviewer who genuinely listens repeatedly emerge as important considerations. Before trying to overcome resistance, it may be worth asking whether the interviewer is unnecessarily creating it.

Related Video: What Would Hanns Do? Lessons from Master Interrogator Hanns Scharff
9-minute video: Watch on YouTube

Give Without Demanding Repayment

There is also an important boundary. Reciprocity is not bargaining. Handing someone a cup of coffee and saying, “Okay, I did something for you; now you need to do something for me,” destroys the very dynamic the interviewer was trying to create. The same applies when food, comfort, breaks, or ordinary courtesy are made conditional on cooperation. Legitimate needs should be addressed because doing so is appropriate—not held hostage as a reward for answers. The power of reciprocity comes from the natural inclination to respond to consideration with consideration. Give first. Listen. Treat the person with dignity. Then allow that interpersonal environment to make continued engagement and cooperation easier rather than trying to collect an immediate payment for every act of kindness.

The Exchange Begins With the Interviewer

An effective interview does not have to begin as a contest in which the interviewer takes and the subject resists. The interviewer has considerable control over the conditions surrounding that exchange. Respect can encourage respect. Listening can encourage talking. Courtesy can reduce unnecessary resistance, and something as simple as attending to physical comfort can alter the tone of an interaction. None of that requires revealing evidence, contaminating memory, minimizing behavior, or compromising the investigation. It simply recognizes a fundamental principle of human interaction: sometimes, before asking someone to give something to us, it helps to give something first. In the interview room, the safest rule may be the simplest: Give something to the person without giving something to the statement.

© Copyright 2026 by Stan B. Walters All Right Reserved
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