A Confession Code? Ditch the Decoder Ring. Just Listen! You’ll Hear It.
by Stan B. Walters – The Lie Guy®
ORCID 0009-0002-1063-0519
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In A Christmas Story, Ralphie listens intently to the Little Orphan Annie radio show and writes down the secret code. He grabs his new decoder ring and works out the message, only to discover it’s a commercial for Ovaltine. I opened this week’s ITIR with that scene because interviewers can get so busy looking for a hidden message that they miss what the subject is saying out loud. In the episode, I cover how to hear the shift away from resistance, how to recognize the subject’s gain versus pain calculation, and how to keep those questions about consequences separate from an admission.
That shift can be easy to miss. Earlier in the interview, the subject may have used emotional or cognitive tactics to steer the conversation or control how you responded. Then their physical behavior may become more passive. The more telling change is in the language. The subject may begin to sound as if they’re thinking out loud. What they feel about talking and what they think might happen if they do are coming together in the same conversation. That’s the shift away from resistance I call the language of acceptance.
Listen to the questions that come with that shift. “Is my coach gonna find out?” “Can I get counseling?” “Am I gonna get expelled?” You’re hearing pieces of an internal conversation as the subject weighs the gain versus pain equation. I may have to deal with some pain, but can I reduce it? I may get only part of what I want, but would that still be worth something to me? That’s WIIFM, or “What’s in it for me?” These questions tell you what outcomes the subject is weighing.
The best salespeople hear this same shift. “How much would the monthly payments be?” “What kind of interest rate can I get?” “If I order it now, how long before it gets delivered?” We’ve all asked questions like those. Think about when you asked them. You could already picture taking that camper out for the weekend, and you were figuring out whether you could live with the payment. You were still deciding. Your subject may be in much the same place, weighing how they feel about taking the next step and what it could cost them. “Is this gonna be a felony?” tells you what’s on their mind at that moment. An admission would require them to acknowledge something they did.
When you hear the language of acceptance, let the subject finish the thought. Their words can tell you what they’re considering and why taking the next step matters to them. In the next ITIR, I’ll cover the C.T.A.s that elicit information about the event. For now, ditch the decoder ring. Just listen! You’ll hear it.
“Choices made in the interview room eventually play out in a courtroom.™”
© Copyright 2026 by Stan B. Walters. All Rights Reserved
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